The Road to Character
Six Mindsets and Two Virtues Crucial to Character Development
Character — it is the quintessential measure of a life well lived — the legacy we leave behind. Its judgement rendered by those we know best in both our professional and personal lives — and even by those on the periphery of our life story through a process known as thin-slicing. It is what the best eulogies and the most moving tributes are made of and it is perhaps best illustrated by how we treat one another and how we respond to life’s successes and inevitable challenges.
Like most words in our lexicon, character has a long and rich history. It is derived from the Greek and largely centers around the tooling and process of sculpting. That makes perfect sense and it serves as an ideal metaphor because intentional character development is best thought of as a deliberate and conscious practice that takes place over a lifetime.
The beauty of character development is that there are probably as many unique approaches to cultivate it as there are people on the planet. Regardless of the approach utilized however, it requires blunt instruments to apply force and remove unwanted material as well as tools of precision to continuously shape it, refine it and add depth to it.
With so many options then how does one set out on the road to character development with clarity and purpose? This is one of the many questions I have been considering during my time away and in the process I have summarized a core set of “tools” that have and continue to influence the way I pursue this goal in my own life. Consistent with the process of sculpting, I have positioned each of these in action form. Furthermore, they should be thought of as acting in unison by informing and influencing one another in a virtuous and continuous cycle.
Take Ownership and Act
While an internal locus of control might sound complicated, the concept is as simple as it is powerful. It means taking responsibility for the circumstances we are in, focusing our energy on what we can control and then acting.
Contrast this mindset with an external locus of control often associated with a victim mindset and one can quickly see how crucial the sense of agency is for not only living, but thriving.
Be Conscientious, Think of Others
There are many models that describe personality, but my favorite is the Five Factor Model and it can be easily remembered with the acronym OCEAN for Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism.
Of these five, conscientiousness is unmistakably the best marker for pro-social behavior — and for good reason. It is closely aligned with self-awareness as well as many other goal-directed behaviors like the ability to delay gratification. All of this helps explain why people who are conscientious are more likely to succeed in both their personal and professional endeavors.
Practice Mental Flexibility by Becoming a Lifelong Learner
By now most of us are familiar with the perils of a fixed mindset and limiting beliefs, but less well known is the notion of mental flexibility and its importance in developing character. Our tendency toward a fixed mindset is why there are so many forms of bias that we need to consciously avoid succumbing to and why our biggest obstacle in doing so is often our own pride.
While there is no simple cure for pride, a commitment to a curious mindset is integral in fostering mental flexibility. Not only does stimulating our minds with new information stave off cognitive decline, but gaining new perspectives also increases our awareness for both the complexity and nuance so prevalent in life. I think Adam Grant really gets it right with his view on the Four Ways of Thinking.
Act with Courage, but Choose Your Battles Wisely
Courage is often thought of in simple terms like bravery or heroism, a boldness to act in the face of fear. But there is more breadth and depth to courage than a definition like this affords. What I like most about Aristotle’s perspective in the latter link, and why I positioned this virtue here, is that such courage is most often valid only when being reasonable and qualified in its application. This means taking proper measures to survey and understand a situation as well as our motives prior to acting with such conviction. To do otherwise is what Aristotle would suggest is either recklessness or cowardice, the two extreme responses with courageousness occupying the midpoint between the two.
Be Tenacious and Do Hard Things
Life is hard and, despite protests to the contrary, we often prefer it that way. While we may favor support and encouragement, the truth is we also thoroughly enjoy being tested. We relish difficult work. We love to overcome. We even delight in the role of the underdog.
Developing character is fundamentally about observing our responses and examining what we learn in the process of doing hard things. We don’t want easy physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Challenges are why we set difficult to achieve goals and why hardships are almost always universally praised by those having experienced them. It is also why taking the moral high ground is as cliché as the work being its own reward.
Show Your Humanity and Make Connections
In a world dominated by perfectly polished profiles, carefully curated experiences and “life is good” responses at the water cooler, we often fail to make authentic connections. This is what happens when we sanitize our humanity and avoid being vulnerable. It often comes with a high cost too and robs us of perhaps the most basic and important human need — connection.
This doesn’t mean overstepping boundaries and oversharing, but it does mean showing compassion and helping to create the safe spaces that let us thrive.
Bringing It All Together, Be Humble and Kind
Building strong character is hard work so it is no surprise that our failures outnumber our successes by a wide margin, especially as we take on more significant roles and responsibilities in life. This is where having a secure base, a concept borrowed from attachment theory, becomes so crucial.
Much like how a primary care giver provides the necessary security for a toddler to explore the world with confidence, the relationship we have with humility and kindness allows us to do so in our adult lives by removing barriers that allow us to extend and receive grace from one another. It is perhaps the most basic means of promoting psychological safety.
These two virtues can also act as an intriguing diagnostic tool. Expressed on ourselves alone and we reflect a self-centered and entitled attitude while expressed only outwardly often reveals an inner critic. Exercised in equal measure however and the cognitive dissonance evaporates allowing us to live rich and rewarding lives full of appreciation and gratitude regardless of the circumstances we may find ourselves in and confident in knowing we can change them when desired.
Conclusion
As I considered ways to close this article it occurred to me that a song which has frequented many playlists of mine was a perfect fit. It is Tim McGraw’s Humble and Kind and it is a goodie with so much wisdom and practical advice. So with that, I will leave you with a visual from one of the final verses that just seems right as I publish this article with the mercury rising on this the first week of summer.
When it’s hot, eat a root beer popsicle
Shut off the AC and roll the windows down
Let that summer sun shine
Always stay humble and kind
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.
