Life Under the Diamond-Lit Sky
Overcoming Professional Loss in a World of Chaos
Introduction
With the recent trend of mass layoffs and a world still plagued with angst and uncertainty, I think now is an appropriate time for me to share some of the ways I have coped with my own job loss and used the experience as fuel to grow in ways I couldn’t have imagined in the days following my dismissal. It hasn’t been easy though. Far from it. And while I still don’t have it all figured out and life circumstances are different for everyone, my goal in sharing this article is to provide an alternative perspective and approach for anyone coping with loss.
The Loss and the Gain
Few negative events in life surpass the emotions that emerge from losing a job you love. More than just losing income and benefits, it marks the loss of normal. The loss of a work family. The loss of purpose. The loss of one’s future. It’s no wonder why the metaphor of an earthquake is an apt one to describe it. It can be sudden. It can be devastating. The aftershocks can tear away at the very core of one’s foundation and identity. And in a world of chaos, it can feel like a violent megaquake that leaves one totally disoriented, full of shame, and unsure of how to move forward.
In the introduction of my last article series, I wrote that I had emerged from a job loss and self-imposed exile a better and more complete man than I was prior to losing the job I loved and poured myself into for over 21 years. As unbelievable and radioactive as that set of circumstances was, this overwhelming loss catalyzed a period of growth that I now count as one of the best things that has happened in my life.
I didn’t view it that way at the start, however. In the days that followed, I had a range of predictable emotions from disbelief and anger to sadness and betrayal that roughly mimicked the 5 stages of grief. While I had decided to use this event to fuel growth in those early days, the emotional processing would continue for months and in some ways continues to this day. What I didn’t fully appreciate at the time however was that I had been preparing for a moment like this in the months and years that had preceded this event. Despite the obvious pain, this preparation allowed me to recognize the new set of circumstances was also an opportunity. One for healing. One for growth. And one for reflection. But, before I cover these areas, let me raise an uncomfortable truth about loss.
Our Bodies and Relationships Keep the Score
In a competitive and success-driven culture, we’re often encouraged to shake off or push down our losses and keep on moving. The problem with this approach however is that when we fail to fully process difficult life events, the accumulated stress leaks out — often in our bodies through chronic ailments and through poor coping mechanisms that strain our relationships and result in more frequent ruptures. So, in a world brimming with heartache, pain, and a global pandemic, I decided to take an unconventional approach and opt for an extended pause to process this loss and its broader context more deeply.
Life Under the Diamond-Lit Sky — A Time to Heal
Whether leaving home for the first time, embarking on a new career, or traveling to places unknown, the call for adventure is woven deeply into the fabric of our being. Beyond a simple desire for discovery, the pursuit of novel experiences like these, and many others, expands our perceptions of the world and gives us a greater appreciation for the people in it. They can also provide unique and difficult challenges to stretch ourselves and an opportunity for us to develop new skills that help make us more well-rounded and resilient people.
In need of an adventure my heart was longing for, the early days of my career break were marked with the first of many solo escapes to the mountains that dot and line the pacific northwest. Mile upon mile of trail and glorious sunset after sunrise, the negative emotions I had melted away like snow off mountain peaks in the warm summer sun. In their place, the awe of the backcountry and the wonder of a diamond-lit sky — a reminder for me as I moved forward to keep things in perspective and to be grateful for all that remained.
To Measure a Mile — A Time to Grow
Time is far and away our most precious asset and it’s for this reason that we generally feel most satisfied with our lives when we use our time well. Of course, all the time in the world does little good if we don’t cultivate relationships to share that time together with, including the one with ourselves. This is where intentionality and the formation of good habits is crucial because our lives are disproportionately weighted by the habits we develop, the company we keep, and our recurring thought patterns.
In a prior article on Personal Growth Hacking, I spoke about the force-multiplying effect keystone habits can have in our lives. I used my walking as an illustration and it’s not hyperbolic to say that thousands of miles and multiple new friendships later it has been life-changing for me. Not for the obvious health benefits and connections alone, but because it has been combined with a blend of focused learning and reflection. Highly concentrated activities like these not only stimulate neural development and improve critical thinking skills, but they also dramatically increase mental flexibility and perspective-taking — crucial ingredients for synthesizing new insights that are vital for personal development and growth.
Seeing the Forest for the Trees — A Time to Reflect
One of the most incredible things about being human is our ability to give new meaning to our memories as our experience, knowledge, and maturity grow. This purposeful act is vital because we know, for instance, that a preoccupation with an unchanging past is one of the biggest contributors to mental health challenges like depression and anxiety. And, if we’re not careful, this fixation can take on a life of its own fueled by cognitive distortions like catastrophizing, emotional reasoning, and many other ruminative thought patterns. So, how do we best navigate our way out of such a downward spiral? The pursuit of self-awareness and insight through hard work and perseverance.
It has been said that smart people read, and smarter people write. And while that might sound a bit self-serving in an article like this, there is a lot of truth to that expression. Whether it’s journaling or penning an article for public consumption, few activities require more focused attention and effort than clarifying our thoughts and explaining new concepts. It’s this cognitive friction that helps make the writer smarter by slowing the thought process down to consider different perspectives, explore alternative explanations, and create novel applications. And it’s in this dynamic and sometimes prolonged process where an epiphany or breakthrough moment occurs as we link and connect our experience and observations with what we’ve learned.
The Road We Travel
Whether our losses are the result of our own mistakes, the reckless action(s) from others or we have been caught up in the blast radius of something large and indiscriminate, the way we respond to the inevitable hardships in our lives is perhaps our most enduring legacy. Do we play the victim and abandon our sense of agency? Do we panic and lash out at others? Or do we choose to respond with grace and dignity by taking ownership of our new set of circumstances and the hard work required to become better people? While the answer to that question appears obvious, it’s much easier said than done.
The road to character is a long and winding one with many climbs and lonely stretches. There is no map, only the assurance that the journey is full of struggle and lasts a lifetime. There are no shortcuts through arid deserts nor tunnels through difficult mountain passes. It’s traveled with calloused feet and rough hands built up from years of trials, parched lips from the glaring afternoon sun, and tattered clothing from the elements. It’s marked by difficult choices, personal failures to confront, hard to give apologies, and the grace extended to others. But perhaps most of all, character is defined by the will to keep getting up after we’ve absorbed the unforgiving body blows the road delivers when it would be easier to just lay down and give up.
It’s in those moments when we’re wobbled that we have a decision to make. Quit? Or take time to pull off on the shoulder and rest. To steady ourselves. To regain our strength. To plot our path forward. And to remember that the road is long, it is best traveled with others, and that with each new day, newfound hope and encouragement come in the warmth of the rising sun.
Author’s Note
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this article, please take a moment to clap for it, add a comment, and/or share it with someone. And, if you enjoy landscape photography, take a moment to view my profile on Instagram where I document my adventures in the backcountry of the pacific northwest.
